she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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