Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
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