My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
