so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
