Is it because I queefed?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
