You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
