I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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