This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
