I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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