Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
