I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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