Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
