just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
