I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
