community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
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