the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
