The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
