i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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