Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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