How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
