Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
