I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
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