the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Randomize
