Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize
