4 words: hood of his car
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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