what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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