There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
