I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
