Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
