Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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