dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
