At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
