I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
