I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
