My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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