Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
