Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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