i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
