Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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