just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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