Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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