dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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