Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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