My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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