I'm eating all of the evidence.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
you inspire me to be a worse person
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
