I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
