he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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