I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
