If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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