fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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