A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
